“I can’t believe they said that”, Gail said. “That’s just so wrong!”. We were in the car, headed for Walmart to pick up some ice cream for Gail’s birthday cake.  Earlier that day I had read an email. I was gobsmacked when I got to the end.

“I feel like such a phony! A total imposter!”, she cried. “And it’s so scary and frustrating!’ If my eyebrows could’ve gone any higher, they’d be above my hairline. I looked like an anime character having a freakout. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard something like that (and not the last) but never with such passion.

“Oy! I ache all over”, I said to myself. Of course, that was after shovelling 25cm+ of snow off my driveway last week.

“Should I start boiling the water for the pasta?” I shouted. (I was helping Gail make dinner and I was in the kitchen and she was upstairs). “Yes”, she said. I turned the burner on. But I didn’t check to see if there was any water in the pot.

“Do you ever get bored listening to that?” I was lying on my side in a cool darkened room while the echocardiogram technician was running the wand over my chest. Every once in a while, she’d hit a button and I’d hear the sounds of the blood pumping through the chambers of my hear

Have you ever seen one of those guys walking down the aisle at Wal-Mart, cell phone in hand, checking a picture, looking for something on the shelf? That’s probably me…

I found out earlier this week that your favourite friendly neighbourhood accountant (that's me) was voted a Platinum Winner in this year's Toronto Star Readers Choice Awards. Doesn't come with a fancy statue or a chunk of money (I wish) but it is the second time I've won (last time was in 2020; I sat out the 2021 awards). I think it's cool. Thank you to everyone who voted for me!

“Oh damn! The lightbulb on my sewing machine’s burnt out!” she said. “Uh, OK”, I said, “So what’s the problem?” “No light, no sewing. We need a new one.” “New bulb or new machine?” That’s when I got hit with the full force of the famous SpousalOverunit StinkEye™.