“I feel like such a phony! A total imposter!”, she cried. “And it’s so scary and frustrating!’ If my eyebrows could’ve gone any higher, they’d be above my hairline. I looked like an anime character having a freakout. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard something like that (and not the last) but never with such passion.

“Oy! I ache all over”, I said to myself. Of course, that was after shovelling 25cm+ of snow off my driveway last week.

“Should I start boiling the water for the pasta?” I shouted. (I was helping Gail make dinner and I was in the kitchen and she was upstairs). “Yes”, she said. I turned the burner on. But I didn’t check to see if there was any water in the pot.

“Do you ever get bored listening to that?” I was lying on my side in a cool darkened room while the echocardiogram technician was running the wand over my chest. Every once in a while, she’d hit a button and I’d hear the sounds of the blood pumping through the chambers of my hear

Have you ever seen one of those guys walking down the aisle at Wal-Mart, cell phone in hand, checking a picture, looking for something on the shelf? That’s probably me…

I found out earlier this week that your favourite friendly neighbourhood accountant (that's me) was voted a Platinum Winner in this year's Toronto Star Readers Choice Awards. Doesn't come with a fancy statue or a chunk of money (I wish) but it is the second time I've won (last time was in 2020; I sat out the 2021 awards). I think it's cool. Thank you to everyone who voted for me!

“Oh damn! The lightbulb on my sewing machine’s burnt out!” she said. “Uh, OK”, I said, “So what’s the problem?” “No light, no sewing. We need a new one.” “New bulb or new machine?” That’s when I got hit with the full force of the famous SpousalOverunit StinkEye™.